Marriage and Financial Dependence

A True Case

Before entering into the details of the case, I would like to emphasize how important it is to be independent in Israel or anywhere else. The names and personal details of the real people were changed to respect their privacy.

This is the story of a Brazilian couple (and we have dealt with Americans as well in the same situation), who were new immigrants in Israel.

Rose, 22 years old, finally met her “prince”, Richard, 24 years old. In a sweet and loving romance, they decided to “live together forever”. They lived in São Paulo.

After 12 months, the couple, whose fathers were Jewish but the mothers were not (therefore they were not Jewish), decided to convert to Judaism and eventually they made Aliyah in 2004.

In time, the relationship between them deteriorated badly, with the yelling becoming threats and finally the threats becoming real “slaps in Rose’s face”.

The couple, desperate to find a solution, went to family therapy together and as a result the relationship became less tense. Rose had a baby boy at the end of 2008.

Rose, who used to work part-time jobs until the pregnancy, made a sole decision to stop working at all and dedicated herself to the pregnancy and the future baby.

The finances became a real burden to Richard who was pressuring Rose constantly to do some kind of work in order to help out. The pressure and the physical aggression was again an option for Richard who resumed hitting Rose once in a while.

Rose never worried about technical stuff, didn’t have a credit card for herself, had none or very little control of the bank account, and she was the one who always signed all the necessary documents for the rent, electricity, etc., taking upon herself all the legal responsibility. Richard was most likely planning ahead his moves.

The boy was born in Israel, registered as an Israeli in the Ministry of Interior and also in the Brazilian Embassy as a Brazilian. The parents never asked for any passport for the child – Brazilian or Israeli.

One day, Richard crossed all lines, hitting Rose really hard in the face. As a result, she ran from the house straight to the police station. Richard was arrested immediately and spent 48 hours in prison. After this period he was released but forbidden to go near the house for the next two weeks.

For Richard, being away from his own house wasn’t a big problem because he had money, many good friends in Israel and also a supportive family in Brazil. For Rose it was a nightmare. She had no money, no job, few acquaintances in Israel and a supportive family in Brazil but very poor.

After two days, Rose was not able to buy food or support herself or the child. In despair, she asked the police to allow Richard to come back. The police agreed, but Richard never came back. Instead he gave her some money for a few days and at the end of the first week, Rose received a letter from Richard’s lawyer.

The offer was simple. Rose was to give Richard sole custody of the child and go back to Brazil immediately. She would receive the air ticket, one thousand dollars every month for a three month period, and after that she would be on her own.

Rose tried to escape the country with a NPO organization but because of the lack of an Israeli passport, the child was not allowed to fly. Rose returned home heartbroken and in complete despair.

After a few more days trying to get help with no luck, she signed the contract, feeling this was the best for the child under the circumstances, and she returned to Brazil. So far no one has heard anything from her.

Richard is on the verge of a break down. He can’t be a full time working father and raise the child. Friends are helping but it is not a permanent solution. If the social welfare finds out that the child is being kept in different friend’s houses every two days and has no real home or stability for himself, they will take the child away from him.

Rose was really naive and never planned her life well. She never thought of the possibility of an “ugly separation”. She let herself be a totally dependent woman with no “insurance policy in hand”.

The sad part of the story is the child who will pay the highest price for this tragedy.

Please, don’t let yourself be in a situation in which you have no control over your life. Prepare yourself in advance, legally, emotionally and also technically. It is possible to be together but still have some independence.
 

Sincerely,
 

Tzvi Szajnbrum, Attorney at Law