Money-The Utmost Weapon in Family Law
Asking for Help

We all know someone that went through a divorce, and we have all heard stories about divorces, but fortunately only a small percentage of us have gone through a divorce. Nevertheless we should be aware that most of the time, money makes all the difference.

Lawyers use the money issue as a weapon, as do the clients. It is sadly true what our sages said: "Ba`al Hame`a – Ba`al Hade`a" (The one who has the money makes the decision). Money buys good lawyers and good professionals, but not only material things: Money buys precious time when needed, buys peace of mind, security and confidence. All these are essential in a separation, especially when it is not an amicable one.

For a lawyer, a divorce case means many hours of work, court appearances and sometimes years of work until the case ends. Therefore the lawyer`s fees are always substantial and not everyone can afford to pay, even when they know the consequences of bad representation or no representation at all. This is especially true of New Immigrants and "Blended Couples" (step parents, Jews with gentiles, citizens with foreigners, etc.), but the most sensitive are those with a "potential emigration case – with the children".

Life is not fair, nor is the courts or the legal system. There is nothing a judge can do if one of the sides uses the powerful tool of money against the contending party. But in a divorce case, as all over the world, money is a powerful weapon. How can we prevent the other side from using it against us?

We cannot totally prevent it but we can minimize the influence of money and what money can buy to be used against us. In this article I want to offer a brief and practical list where you can find some solutions (though none are perfect) to help you cope with discrepancies caused by money used as a weapon.

The first and most important lesson is compromise. By compromising the rival sides will save not only money, but emotional pain and suffering. It is almost impossible to win every battle in court; therefore focus on winning the war but remember that in a war both sides will always lose something. It is better to compromise than to eventually get hurt.

Ask for help, and forget about being embarrassed, if you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, rent your own place, or support yourself during the divorce period. You need to understand that you cannot afford to be embarrassed to ask for help either. Help is necessary for your future; help is needed to feed your children, pay expenses and to give you freedom from a relationship you cannot afford to be in anymore.

Do everything you can to stop any financial dependence on your partner even if it means you have to ask for help, lower your living standards, give up some dreams (at least for a while) or be in debt for the near future by taking a loan. Financial dependence is one of the most powerful weapons and it can be used by the other party as and when he/she pleases – many times as a surprise, "knocking you out".

Prepare yourself ahead of time. When you know it is "too much already" and the divorce is eminent, it is time to start planning and acting accordingly. Seek legal advice and if you can, some financial advice (from an expert) as well. Take your time and don`t rush if you can`t afford it. It will be wiser and less painful to prepare yourself well and be ready when you start the separation process.

Be organized as much as possible. It is time to put some order in the bank and saving accounts, pension fund, and on that pile of bills. You will need evidence, be well informed as information means money. Make copies, learn about the household finances, and keep track of the debts, expenses and different sources of income. Be aware of everything that might be going on regarding money.

You will need a place to stay "just in case" – start looking around and weigh your options. Again, do not hesitate to talk to trusted friends, ask for help and yes, it is the perfect time to ask your family for help. To be ashamed or embarrassed could be the "end of your hopes".

The costs associated with litigation will not be divided between the contended parties. Regard this expense as "lost forever". Generally there is no "winning party"; even if the "winner" is granted court expenses by the judge they will never cover the real expenses that the contending party had. The more expensive your lawyer`s fees are and the longer the case takes in court, your losses will be bigger, regardless of the results of the lawsuit.

A final word:

Do not be taken by surprise. By knowing what is at stake you will be able to better weigh your options and to free yourself from the embarrassment of asking for help.

Sincerely,
 

Tzvi Szajnbrum, Attorney at Law